If you're battling with pornography addiction, you're not alone, and there's a way out. I've been there, and I've come through the other side. Let's talk about how you can break free from porn addiction and reclaim your life.
In today’s episode, I speak with Mark Collins, a Coach and Mentor who helps men uncover their true identity so they can build confidence, self-worth, and a life of deep meaning.
Through my years of addiction, I often wondered what was driving this destructive behavior. For a long time, I thought it was simply sexual urges and desires; that I had a high libido and a need that had to be filled.
How wrong I was.
What Mark and I discussed can make a major difference for you in your path to overcome porn addiction. Read on to find out more.
My Story: The Struggle with Porn Addiction
For years, I grappled with pornography addiction. It started innocently enough, but before I knew it, it had a strong hold on me. It affected my relationships, my self-esteem, my overall sense of self-worth, and even my sex drive and ability to get an erection. The guilt and shame were overwhelming, and I felt trapped in a cycle I couldn't break.
I reached a point where I knew I had to make a change. I couldn't keep living a double life, pretending everything was fine on the outside while I was crumbling inside. So, I decided it was time to quit porn and take back my life.
Finding My True Identity
One of the biggest breakthroughs in overcoming porn addiction was understanding my true identity. I realized that my addiction wasn't just about the porn itself; it was a symptom of a deeper issue. I was using porn as a way to medicate and escape from the realities I didn't want to face. I felt inadequate, unworthy, and like I wasn't living up to my potential.
In his book Life Mastery, Mark Collins shares some fundamental keys for stepping into this identity. He shares that through our faith and personal journey, we can discover that we are created for more. We begin to see ourselves not through the lens of our failures and addictions, but through the lens of who we are meant to be. This shift in perspective is crucial.
We remember that our identity isn't defined by our past or our mistakes, but by our inherent worth and potential. We aren’t perfect at keeping this perspective, but we practice it by building new mental habits over time.
The Power of Thoughts, Words, and Actions
Quitting porn required a fundamental shift in how I thought about myself. Mark Collins references a powerful scripture in the Bible that speaks directly to this point.
"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." - Proverbs 23:7
I realized that my negative thoughts about myself were keeping me stuck. As Mark puts it, in order to develop a new identity we need to change our thoughts, words, and actions to align with our true identity.
Thoughts: We start consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations about who we are and who we want to be. This isn’t easy, and it takes time, but gradually, our mindset will shift.
Words: We pay attention to the words we speak about ourselves. Instead of speaking defeat and negativity, we start declaring positive truths. We speak about our goals, our potential, and our progress. Instead of “I can’t…”, “I’m not…”, or “I’ll never…”, we say “I’m working on…”, “I want to…”, and “I’m practicing…”
Actions: Changing our thoughts and words contributes to changes in our actions. We make a conscious effort to engage in activities that are in line with our true identity and goals. This includes seeking support from friends and mentors and doing things that add responsibility, meaning, and make a difference.
Overcoming Obstacles
Breaking free from porn addiction wasn't without its challenges. The world around us is full of triggers and temptations. Social media, TV, and even everyday interactions can make it difficult to stay on track. But I learned that I didn't have to live in reaction to these things. Instead, I could be proactive.
One of the key strategies was surrounding myself with a supportive community. I sought out people who understood my struggle and could offer encouragement and accountability. This made a huge difference. Knowing I wasn't alone and having people who believed in me gave me the strength to keep going.
A New Path Forward
As I worked through my addiction, I realized that simply stopping wasn't enough. I had to start doing something else. I needed to build new, healthy habits to replace the old ones. This involved finding new hobbies, interests, and passions that aligned with my values and goals. It also involved turning from useless means of entertaining myself during my free time, to doing things that helped me connect with and serve others.
As someone who has struggled with perfectionism, I’ve also had to learn how to forgive myself for mistakes. Holding on to guilt and shame only kept me stuck. Forgiveness allowed me to move forward with a clean slate and a renewed sense of purpose.
A Life Free from Porn Addiction
What have you tried so far to quit porn? There's internet filters, accountability buddies, talk therapy, church or religious programs…so many different options out there to navigate. And many of these have merit, but they are often missing key elements for long-lasting sobriety.
Listen, it isn't enough to just “stop watching porn”. Addiction is a symptom of deeper underlying challenges. And the No More Desire Intensive Recovery Program addresses these challenges by guiding you through each step you need to take to build a recovery mindset and a recovery lifestyle.
This is done using hands-on daily exercises that retrain your brain and forge new habits that will last you a lifetime. And once this recovery mindset and lifestyle are established, the desire for porn naturally fades.
If you want to overcome porn addiction for good, join my Intensive Porn Addiction Recovery Program. You can set up a free call with me. I'll talk to you about your needs and what you're going through so we can see if this program is a fit. Take your first step toward building the No More Porn Lifestyle at nomoredesire.com/program.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
MARK COLLINS: FREEDOM FOR LIFE
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Transcription: Episode 56 - Mark Collins | Keys for Confidence, Self-Worth, and Porn Addiction Recovery