Many of us men struggle to express our emotions. It’s classic! What we may not know, though, is that unprocessed hard emotions can easily evolve into porn cravings and porn relapse.
I know for me I used to have essentially three modes: Happy, angry, or shut down. I didn’t know how to express myself, and I didn’t understand what I was feeling or why I was feeling it.
Anger and shame (the feeling of not being good enough) often drove my cravings for porn. And I hadn’t a clue this was happening!
This skill of noticing your emotions, processing through them, and being able to sit with them when they’re uncomfortable is crucial for recovery from porn addiction. This is because from a psychological perspective, hard emotions and insecurities (and I know that’s a swearword for a lot of us men) are at the root of our porn addiction.
And we may not perceive that early on, but as we work through recovery, and especially when you get a few years under your belt, you start to become deeply aware of your emotions, your suffering, and your doubts, and that’s because the addiction no longer masks these things.
These underlying difficult emotions are often some version of what I term in my porn recovery program “fundamental human insecurities”, which are fear, shame (I’m not good enough, or I’m too much) and the burden of feeling distrust for others or feeling distrusted by others. Many of us carry these things as habits from our childhood.
In my program, I teach men specific methods to get deep into these emotions, reflect on them, and become experts at effectively working through them so that these fundamental human insecurities don’t evolve into cravings for porn.
Today, I’m joined by Owen Marcus, an expert in somatic and emotional healing for men across the world. His company is called MELD. He is highly knowledgeable, with 30+ years of experience, and it was a real pleasure speaking with him.
Listen to the Episode #83: Simple Methods to Slow the Mind & Get Through Hard Emotions So They Don't Fuel Porn Cravings & Relapse
Breaking Free from Porn Cravings
Pornography addiction is one of the most isolating struggles a person can face. For many men, it feels like a secret battle with no clear way out.
But as we learn from this conversation between myself (Jake Kastleman) and Owen Marcus, there is hope, and the journey to healing begins with connection, courage, and practical tools.
We dive deep into the insights shared in our discussion and explore actionable steps to improve physical and mental health, overcome porn addiction, and live a fulfilling life.
The First Step to Break Free
Owen Marcus emphasizes that pornography addiction isn’t just about habit; it’s often rooted in emotional disconnection. Men are conditioned to suppress their emotions, leading to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Understanding the "why" behind the addiction is a critical first step in breaking free of porn.
I highlight a vital point in the episode, which is that we need to bring awareness to the shame and fear we are carrying that is fueling the need to escape with porn.
Shame keeps men trapped, while awareness opens the door to transformation. Recognizing that porn addiction is not a moral failing but a response to unmet emotional needs can help you reframe your journey.
Start with self-compassion. Accept that addiction is a signal, not an identity.
Risking Connection: The Power of Vulnerability in Healing
One of the most profound insights from Owen was the importance of "risking connection." Whether it’s connecting with yourself, a trusted mentor, your partner/spouse, or a group of peers, vulnerability is where healing begins.
Through MELD (Men’s Emotional Leadership Development), Owen’s organization, men are guided through emotional reconnection. As he puts it, “It’s messy and imperfect, but it’s the only way to truly transform.” This process is experiential—men not only learn the science but also apply it in real time.
Practical Tips to Risk Connection
Start journaling your feelings daily. Acknowledge what’s beneath the surface.
Seek out a safe space, such as a men’s group or trusted therapist, to share openly.
Accept that mistakes are part of growth; perfection isn’t the goal—authenticity is.
No More Porn: Building Emotional Resilience
One of MELD’s core offerings is their 10-week course, a proven program studied by researchers and published in an APA journal.
This program is not about forcing change but facilitating organic growth through shared experiences. The course introduces somatic practices, teaching men to process emotions in healthy ways, making it easier to stop watching porn and build resilience.
Owen shares how laughter and enjoyment are elements of their approach. “We learn better when we’re having fun,” he says. Emotional healing doesn’t have to be grueling; it can be deeply fulfilling, and even enjoyable.
Emotional resilience isn’t built in isolation. Join a program or group that fosters connection and experiential learning.
How to Stop Porn Addiction: The Arc of Change
At MELD’s retreats, men follow what Owen calls the "arc of change," a 13-part framework for transformation. Each retreat is structured around small groups where participants take turns sharing, supporting, and learning.
The retreats are designed to be comfortable and engaging, with plenty of laughter and camaraderie. Participants often leave with lifelong friendships and a renewed sense of purpose. As Owen describes, even men who arrive skeptical often experience profound breakthroughs by the end.
Steps to Begin Your Own Arc of Change
Commit to attending a retreat or program that resonates with you.
Engage fully, even if it feels uncomfortable. Growth happens in the stretch.
Stay consistent with the practices you’ve learned to reinforce new habits.
Overcoming Porn Addiction Through Professional Support
In addition to group work, MELD offers one-to-one coaching and small group coaching. These sessions are led by experienced professionals who guide men through intense, focused work.
“Transformation happens when you take action,” Owen shares. Coaching provides a tailored approach to breaking free of addictions or other challenges with overall well-being.
Stop Porn and Build a Life You Love
It takes courage to confront pornography addiction. Risking connection is an act of bravery, but it’s also the most rewarding step you’ll ever take.
As Owen put it, "It’s always messy. It’s never completely straightforward. But that’s where the beauty of transformation lies."
Whether you start with journaling, attending a retreat, or seeking 1-on-1 coaching, know that you are not alone. The path to overcoming porn addiction is challenging, but it’s also possible—and deeply worth it.
Build the No More Porn Lifestyle
MORE ARTICLES
Transcription of Episode 83: Prevent Porn Cravings & Relapse Through Emotional Awareness Techniques | Simple Methods to Slow the Mind & Connect with Others
Comments