If you struggle with porn addiction, it can be a real challenge to figure out why you experience cravings for porn.
A lot of the world will tell you it’s because you crave sex - it’s your natural urges - and you just need to discipline yourself enough to stop watching porn.
That’s not the case. You’re not a man with an overactive sex drive. You’re not lazy. You’re not weird. You’re not a pervert. You’re not bad for dealing with a porn addiction.
You don’t build willpower to overcome porn addiction. Instead, you build a new way of thinking and living - a recovery mindset and a recovery lifestyle.
Today, we’re going to focus deeply on the recovery mindset, specifically, and exactly how this mindset is achieved.
You’re going to learn how to think and process through the thoughts and the emotions that are behind pornography addiction. You’re going to learn how to live the “no more porn” lifestyle by discovering how to talk to yourself about these thoughts and emotions, and how to become deeply aware of thought patterns that feed addiction, so that you can learn how to stop porn addiction by stopping and redirecting those addictive thought patterns.
The process I’m about to teach you is the very same one that I teach to clients across the world in my intensive porn addiction recovery program. And it’s the very same one that I’ve used to quit porn and remain sober for over 9 years now.
This is not about facing and fighting cravings. It’s not about special mental techniques to distract you from cravings or fancy methods to handle triggers. Instead, it is a system of 5 levels - from the surface of conscious thought to the deepest unconscious drivers of porn addiction. And I’m going to show you how to get to those unconscious drivers of addiction, and begin replacing destructive mental habits that lead to addiction with productive mental habits that lead to sobriety.
The following article is a tiny preview into a much more thorough overview of how to overcome porn addiction. If you want to go deeper, check out my Free Workshop: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn.
Level 1: Porn Addiction
Dr. Gabor Maté defines addiction as anything we want to stop, but feel we can't despite the negative consequences. By this definition, pretty much anything can be an addiction; even things that would seem positive, such as work, exercise, or nutrition can become an addiction, depending on our mental relationship with the activity.
Ultimately, porn addiction is a symptom of underlying mental and emotional suffering. To some extent, it is the mind’s reaction to stress combined with shame. When we relapse with porn, there are always underlying mental/emotional factors we are trying to cope with via the escape, numbing, and distraction of addiction.
Level 2: Cravings, Urges & Obsessions
At the most surface level, the addict mindset is characterized by cravings, urges, and obsessions. These are the immediate symptoms we often focus on when discussing addiction.
However, these symptoms are merely the tip of the iceberg. They are distractions created by our minds to avoid dealing with deeper issues. Many people think that if they can just manage these cravings, they can stop porn addiction. But in reality, this approach only addresses the symptoms and not the root causes.
This addict part of us isn't evil or inherently bad; it's simply misguided. It's trying to protect us from emotional pain and discomfort by offering a temporary escape. It's crucial to understand that cravings and urges are not the problem themselves but are signals pointing to deeper issues that need attention. This realization is the first step towards overcoming porn addiction and living a life free from the grip of these urges.
Level 3: Surface Negative Emotions
Beneath the cravings and obsessions lie our surface negative emotions, such as anger, anxiety, depression, loneliness, perfectionism, and a sense of being unfulfilled. These emotions are the initial layers of discomfort that we experience, often leading us to seek solace in addictive behaviors. For many, the desire to stop porn is driven by a need to numb these uncomfortable emotions.
Healthy individuals, or those in recovery, can talk themselves through these difficult emotions without shame. They don't feel inadequate or wrong for experiencing anger or fear. However, when we struggle with pornography addiction, we often feel ashamed of these emotions, believing we shouldn't feel them. This shame compounds our suffering and keeps us trapped in a cycle of avoidance and addiction.
The key to quitting porn is not to eliminate these emotions but to acknowledge and process them in a healthy way. By recognizing these surface negative emotions, we can begin to understand the deeper, underlying issues that fuel our cravings and obsessions.
Level 4: Core Negative Emotions
As we dig deeper, we encounter core negative emotions: fear, shame, and pride. These emotions are the bedrock of many of our struggles. They are more profound and ingrained than the surface negative emotions, often stemming from long-standing beliefs about ourselves and the world.
Fear, in this context, isn't about immediate dangers but rather a chronic resistance to what's happening or might happen. It's the fear of not being good enough, of being judged, or of facing painful truths.
Shame is the belief that we are inherently flawed or unworthy, often manifesting as thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "I don't deserve happiness."
Pride, while sometimes seen as a positive trait, can also be a mask for insecurity and inadequacy. It's the belief that we must be perfect or better than others to be acceptable.
These core negative emotions are powerful drivers of addiction because they create a deep-seated need to escape or numb these painful feelings. To stop porn addiction, it's crucial to address these core negative emotions, practice self-compassion, and challenge the beliefs that sustain these ways of thinking.
Level 5: Unconscious Drivers
Even deeper than our core negative emotions are the unconscious drivers, namely resistance, judgment, escape, and control. These cognitive actions fuel our core negative emotions and, in turn, our surface negative emotions and addictive behaviors. They operate beneath our awareness, making them challenging to identify and change.
Resistance is our natural aversion to emotional suffering. We don't want to feel pain, so we resist it, which only intensifies our discomfort.
Judgment, particularly self-judgment, is one of the foundational sources of shame. It's the automatic thoughts we have about ourselves and others that reinforce feelings of unworthiness. The way we judge ourselves and others are reflections of one another.
Escape is our tendency to avoid uncomfortable situations and emotions, often through addiction.
Lastly, control is our attempt to manage outcomes and other people's feelings, driven by a perfectionistic desire to make everything just right.
These unconscious drivers are at the heart of addiction. They keep us stuck in a cycle of negative emotions and cravings. However, by becoming aware of them, we can begin to change these thought patterns and beliefs, paving the way for recovery and healing.
We can transform the unconscious drivers of addiction into the unconscious drivers of recovery. Instead of resisting our emotions, we can learn to accept and process them. Instead of judging ourselves, we can practice self-compassion and understanding. Instead of escaping, we can face our challenges head-on. And instead of trying to control everything, we can embrace uncertainty and focus on what we can influence.
This transformation isn't easy, but it's possible with awareness and effort. It requires a shift in mindset and a commitment to personal growth. It's about reclaiming the driver's seat of our lives and making conscious choices that align with our true selves.
The Path to Recovery: No More Porn
Overcoming porn addiction is a journey that involves understanding and addressing the complex interplay of thoughts and emotions that drive our cravings. It's about breaking free of porn and reclaiming our lives from the grip of addiction. The process may be challenging, but it's also deeply rewarding.
If you're struggling with pornography addiction and want to learn more about how to stop porn cravings and overcome porn addiction, check out my Free Workshop: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn. I will give you a practical and applied roadmap for recovery, including…
The REAL root causes of porn addiction.
How to stop porn cravings before they start.
The 5 Levels of Cognition that influence addiction.
The 4 Unconscious Drivers of porn cravings.
How sexual shame fuels pornography addiction.
1 simple daily practice to get out of the addiction funnel
And a whole lot more
You can also check out my Free eBook: The 10 Tools to Conquer Cravings, which gives you 10 quick mental techniques that you can use anytime, anywhere to redirect your mind and replace porn cravings with new thought patterns and mental habits.
So, head to nomoredesire.com to watch the Free Workshop or pick up the Free eBook and get going on the next steps of your recovery journey.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
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