What if you had mental tools you could use in an instant to remove your desire for porn?
What if you could stop watching porn using a recovery mindset that replaced your need for it?
What I often hear from my clients when they begin my intensive porn addiction recovery program is that cravings for porn and sex feel instant and automatic.
They see a woman, and immediately the lust and fantasizing starts. It feels like they have no say in the matter.
I remember exactly what this was like during the years I was addicted to porn.
Many men feel out of control and unable to change the way they think about sexuality, romantic relationships, and women. They feel they have no choice whether they get dragged along by their sexual urges, and so much of what they want to accomplish or become is drowned out by these on-going cravings.
They have a powerful drive to do great things with their lives, but so much of that just doesn’t feel possible with this monkey on their back. And this is the case for many more men than just "porn addicts."
It's difficult to quit porn. Sexual drive is a powerful force, and it can feel exhausting trying to fight it all the time; trying to be a responsible man, husband, and father. Sometimes we might wish we could just turn our sexual attraction off! Flip a switch and make the desire go away.
That’s the same way I felt for many years. But there is a better way.
Adopt a New Mental Perspective To Stop Watching Porn
Here’s the thing. There’s nothing wrong with physical and sexual attraction. They’re normal. They’re needed. But the fixation on or obsession with body parts, attraction, and sexual desires makes a man feel like a slave to his own mind. As if these desires are in the driver’s seat and he’s just along for the ride. That to break free of porn addiction is an impossibility.
Today, I’ll teach you to stop watching porn by building a recovery mindset that replaces your desire for porn with a new, fulfilling perspective that enables you to love the people around you and yourself.
This perspective takes work. It’s not some freaking magic trick to “quit porn in 30 days” (those are scams). Instead, it’s a practical and psychological approach you can use throughout the day to prevent relapse and get rid of porn addiction over time.
It takes time to build, just as all good things do. But the nice thing is the more you practice these thought strategies to quit porn, the more automatic they will become. And the more automatic they become, the more you will genuinely lose your desire for porn.
Read on to learn how you can grow this recovery mindset and replace your desire for porn with a fresh, new perspective that serves you and your loved ones.
Addict Mindset: To Some Degree, I Place Value on People as a Collection of Body Parts
To start, we need to talk about the perspective that porn gives us, particularly how it teaches our brain to see other human beings as a collection of body parts.
Does this make us a bad person? Certainly not! It's simply the product of a brain being trained to think this way, and that can be reversed with the proper mindset and lifestyle tools.
To some degree, we could term porn addiction as a “body-parts-obsession-disorder”. In other words, porn trains our brain to place obsessive value and focus on people’s physical appearance.
These days, we may see this as more typical for males in general. Men want sex and it often dominates their mind and motives. But it doesn't have to be this way.
Why change it?
Ultimately, this obsessive focus on physical appearance stops us from living a more meaningful, fulfilling life. It stops us from being the man our family needs and the man we want to become. If we can retrain our brain to focus on other aspects of human beings, we'll find we are happier, more connected, and can bring more good to the world.
Porn addiction is a surface-level symptom of underlying psychological factors, and this habit is hard to change, and those of us with this obsession need compassion and the right mindset and lifestyle tools for transformation.
This obsession with body parts extends beyond the way we view the women around us. When we struggle with porn addiction, we can sometimes place the same level of focus and value on how our own body looks - a form of body-centered perfectionism, or body dysmorphia.
"Am I skinny enough?", "Am I buff enough?", "Do I look good enough in the mirror?", "Do I have a six pack?" etc.
And our body-obsessed western culture has not helped. The media and mainstream entertainment has not helped. And sufferers of religious shame only have yet another layer on top of these to break down in order to find self-worth and subsequent sobriety.
Addict Mindset: I Automatically Lust When I See a Beautiful Woman
When we talk about building a recovery mindset, one of the biggest hurdles we face is the automatic reaction of lust when we see a beautiful woman.
Society often reinforces this behavior with sayings like "boys will be boys" or "men only want one thing." And it's true, this mindset existed long before pornography, but porn has made it more accessible, more universal. It's made it easier for men to objectify women and fall into lustful habits.
As men, we tend to objectify people, often without even realizing it. We do this in different areas of life—whether it's in business, where people become tools to achieve our goals, or in sex, where we reduce someone to a body rather than seeing them as a whole person. This mindset causes real harm.
When we view others as objects, we create pain, destruction, and distance in our relationships.
But here's the thing: I’m not saying men are terrible. Men are awesome. Yet, we are wired in a way that makes us more prone to this kind of thinking. It’s how our brains naturally work.
Our minds naturally compartmentalize things—we have boxes for business, boxes for relationships, and boxes for sex. The problem comes when we let the sexual box dominate, focusing only on physical pleasure or using sex as a tool for our own satisfaction. Over time, this perspective can become automatic, and it becomes the default mode in which we view women and relationships.
If I automatically lust when I see a beautiful woman, it’s because I’ve developed a habit. And yes, as a man, I might be more prone to this. And that's unfair, but it doesn't mean I don't have a duty to change it over time. I can work on these thought patterns, bridal my passions, and transform the way I think to be more holistic and loving.
With conscious effort and the right tools, we can break free of porn and these automatic responses. That’s why I work with people to develop recovery mindset tools that help them stop watching porn.
Addict Mindset: I Judge Myself for Feeling Sexual Attraction
Another important aspect of recovery is addressing how we judge ourselves for feeling sexual attraction.
This is so common among the men I work with. Many of us struggle with shame, not just for our behavior but even for having the attraction in the first place.
When this happens, we’re caught in a cycle of judgment and shame. We judge women for how they look, and then we judge ourselves for having those thoughts. It becomes an automatic process, ingrained in our minds after years of reinforcement.
But this can change. Just like we can make lust and self-judgment an automatic reaction, we can rewire our minds to react differently. We can learn how to stop porn addiction, and replace our automatic lust with healthier, more respectful ways of seeing women and ourselves.
Recovery Mindset: I Train My Brain to Value People for Better Reasons
Building a recovery mindset means rewiring how I perceive others. For years, I trained my brain—unconsciously—to view people as a collection of body parts. But if I could train myself to do that, I can just as consciously retrain my mind to value people for deeper, more meaningful reasons.
This isn't about using sheer willpower; it's about actively redirecting my thoughts. The first step is making a conscious decision to see the whole person, not just their physical attributes. It’s not easy and it doesn’t feel natural at first, but like any habit, it takes repetition. You have to do it every single day, over and over and over again.
The key is to practice this redirection every time I encounter someone, whether in person or on a screen. Instead of instantly objectifying them (which can be very automatic and natural), I remind myself that this person has a life, experiences, and emotions that go beyond their appearance.
This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but with persistence, I can change how I view people. As I train my brain to see others more holistically, I also find that I treat them better—and in turn, I begin treating myself better.
This change permeates all of my relationships, from my wife to my friends to strangers, transforming how I interact with the world.
To learn how to do this, as well as 9 more mental tools to quit porn, check out my free eBook to quit porn: The 10 Tools to Conquer Cravings.
Recovery Mindset: I Focus on Compassion Rather than Lust
Another vital aspect of a recovery mindset is focusing on compassion instead of lust. This may sound unusual, but it’s been one of the most transformative tools for me and my clients.
I remember a client who shared his experience with this approach. He was nervous about an upcoming business trip to Las Vegas. We made a plan together, and he decided to bring his family along for support, scheduled his entire week to stay focused, and stuck to his mental, physical, and spiritual routines. By doing this, he set himself up for success.
During his trip, surrounded by triggers like provocative advertisements and scantily dressed individuals, he found himself not falling into old habits. Instead, he felt compassion.
He wanted better for people who were flaunting their bodies on screens, billboards, or in public. He realized that they were likely struggling themselves—maybe they hadn’t felt real love or were in abusive relationships. He chose to see their humanity and felt sorrow for their situations.
This shift from lust to compassion hasn't come easily, but over time, he has trained his brain to see others as whole people.
By replacing lust with empathy, he not only stayed strong in his recovery but found a deeper connection to others, God, and to himself.
Because some of the most profound and troubling porn addiction symptoms can be issues with self-esteem and self-worth, it is necessary to build compassion for ourselves and others, which counteracts some of the causes of porn addiction and its effects.
Recovery Mindset: Rather than Judge Myself for Physical Attraction, I Understand Myself
Another part of a recovery mindset involves understanding, not judging, myself for physical attraction. It’s natural to feel drawn to people’s looks, but that doesn’t have to lead to objectification.
Instead of beating myself up for noticing someone’s appearance, I remind myself that attraction is normal, but it’s not the whole picture. People are so much more than their bodies, and I can train my mind to recognize that.
This shift requires moving from the reactive, pleasure-seeking part of my brain—the limbic system—into the prefrontal cortex, where deeper thinking and empathy reside.
When I catch myself focusing solely on physical traits, I pause and remind myself that there’s a full person behind that image. They have a life, feelings, and experiences that deserve my respect. I don’t have to suppress my attraction, but I can balance it by recognizing the value of the whole person. In doing so, I free myself from the cycle of judgment and objectification and allow myself to experience deeper, more meaningful connections.
If you’re ready to start your journey towards overcoming porn addiction and rebuilding your marriage, consider joining the Free Workshop: The 8 Keys to Lose Your Desire for Porn. This workshop offers practical steps to help you break free of porn and restore intimacy in your relationship. You’ll learn a practical and applied roadmap for recovery, including…
The REAL root causes of porn addiction.
How to stop porn cravings before they start.
The 4 Unconscious Drivers of porn cravings.
1 simple daily practice to get out of the addiction funnel
And a whole lot more…
So, head to nomoredesire.com, or hit the links in the description, to grab the Free Workshop or the Free eBook and get going on the next steps of your recovery journey.
BUILD THE NO MORE PORN LIFESTYLE
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Transcription: Episode 68 - From Porn to Peace | Recovery Mindset Practices to Stop Watching Porn